Two weeks ago, teaching my adult 60+ group fitness class at the Indianapolis YMCA, I called out, “I’m getting new music for next week. Any requests?”
“Yes! 70’s!” someone shouted from the back of the room,
Once again, I was reminded of how much group fitness for older adults has changed. It is no longer about people sitting in a chair and waving their arms or tapping their feet to big band music at 110 BPM. Today it’s about cardio kicks, high-knees, grapevines, and compound strength training movements with dumbbells (like squats with bicep curls rising to overhead press), all to the tune of 128-130 BPM rock n’ roll. These are older adults who grew up on Elvis, The Beatles, and The Rolling Stones, not Glenn Miller and Bing Crosby.
Instructors and personal trainers like me who have worked with this demographic over the years have had to move (literally) with our groups to match the new pace they are setting. Seventeen years ago, the Active Older Adult fitness instructor certification training I received was mainly focused on what NOT to include in a class for older adults: Don’t do standing exercises because they might have poor balance. Don’t raise arms over head because they might have shoulder issues. Don’t rotate legs too much because they might have hip issues. Don’t raise heart rate because they might have cardiac issues. Don’t walk around much because they might have weak dorsiflexion. Don’t turn heads too far because they might have neck issues.
The don’ts went on and on. There was little focus on what older participants could do or how to develop or recover lost ability.
As a result, participants were kept moving but not challenged. The goal of the class was pretty minimal, to maintain activities of daily living such as putting on coats, reaching to put on socks and shoes, and being able to comb the hair on the back of your head. There was little to no focus on increasing fitness levels. Setting such a low bar for what was achievable often had a negative impact on motivation and attendance. As one sweet lady in an Active Older Adults class once told me, “I feel like I do more at home moving around than in exercise class where I have to stay seated all the time!”
To be fair, these older adult fitness classes were circumscribed by the prevailing view of aging at the time. Doctors and family members were quite conservative and outspoken about what they did and did not consider safe for their older patients and relatives to do.
Another factor was that, twenty years ago, women entering their 60-80s had no experience with strength training or participating in a formal exercise program. They complained about sweating and did not like how it felt or how it looked. While they felt they should be allowed to stand and move, they were decidedly uninterested in lifting weights or working past the point of even mild exertion. They had zero experience with gyms or gym equipment so their comfort levels were low.
In contrast, the population entering retirement age today—a group increasingly referred to as “Active Agers” (a term I prefer)—want to be, and are used to being, physically active. They aspire to hike, go on long bike rides, travel, and be active with their families for as long as possible, and they’re willing to work diligently to achieve those goals. They don’t accept fatigue and chronic pain as a given and don’t want to rely on medications. When they walk through the doors of the fitness center, they have clear goals in mind, and we would do them a great disservice if we put them in a room, told them to sit down, and basically minimized the abilities they already have. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with chair exercise, and chronic pain is an unfortunate reality for some. But in both of those cases, unlike in past decades, the hope today would still be to progress over time to standing movements and greater strength and flexibility.
A big advantage today is that older adults have much more familiarity with gyms and gym equipment and are no strangers to strength training. Even if they don’t possess experience, they are less hesitant to attempt it, especially in the company of a group fitness class with a knowledgeable trainer who can break goals down into manageable steps that build success, confidence, and self-efficacy. New evidence-based fitness programs for older adults emphasize functional fitness around strength and balance in environments that support “pushing” clients to meet specific goals and achieve measurable outcomes. Professional training and certification programs are catching up with this evolution and offer a wide range of fitness programs for older adults, like the American Council on Exercise’s Cognified Fitness and Power Training for Powerful Aging.
Healthcare providers have also tuned into older adult fitness trends. In the last year alone, I’ve had roughly 8-10 individuals over the age of 70 ask about personal training because their healthcare provider encouraged them to try it. I hear from older adults who, thanks to their healthcare provider’s confidence, feel emboldened to push back against family members who don’t want them to exert themselves shoveling snow or carrying heavy bags. From Dina, age 74, who asked me about kettlebells and who used a BOSU for the first time, to Jocelyn, age 75, who set a goal of increasing her core strength, to Henry, age 76, who goes to the gym after every group fitness class so he can focus on his leg strength post knee surgery—the Active Agers are setting the bar higher and becoming a force to be reckoned with. I’m excited to see where they will go next, and how I can support them in their active aging journey!
Margy Bartley is National Board Certified Health & Wellness Coach who has worked in the fitness industry for 30 years and with the older adult population for the last 20 years. She views aging as an opportunity to experience continued joy in physical movement.
https://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Shutterstock_1643429104-1.jpg7291478kathhttps://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/neverstop-logo-fff1.pngkath2023-02-13 21:15:362023-02-13 21:15:38New Generation of Active Agers Raises the Bar for Older Adult Fitness
Back in 2001, what seems like ancient history – and in many ways it is – I co-wrote a book called “Dictionary of the Future.”
It was what it declared itself to be – a compendium of words and terms that would define a still-inchoate world; as William Gibson wrote, the “future is already here, it’s just not evenly distributed.”
Forgive the sidebar, but I find that quote to be remarkably valuable wisdom, and I pass it along to you in the hope that it will change or at least alter, the way you see (and scour) the present.
Back to my book. Two entries provide the basis for this brief musing on aging and geography. One is “Yogurt Cities,” defined as places to live that have active cultures: vital museums, symphonies, independent bookstores, downtown neighborhoods with throbbing street life.” The other is “Reurbanize,” a popular migration to those same cities.
The data around the trend is nuanced, but it is the case – as this New York Times story reported – that “The typical 80-year-old is more likely than the typical 70-year-old to live in an urban neighborhood, and the typical 85-year-old even more so.”
Living in an urban area has obvious advantages for older adults: less reliance on automobiles; more immediate access to emergency medical services and specialized expertise; proximity to cultural events; and a greatly reduced risk of succumbing to the scourges of the loneliness epidemic.
As the word ‘epidemic’ implies, loneliness is a key risk to watch out for in anyone’s successful aging plan. It’s a multi-dimensional social illness, which includes an increased risk of dementia. Even casual daily interactions can protect your health, and you are more likely to have those moments of social engagement in an urban area – ordering a decaf soy cappuccino (extra foam), or picking up some room-brightening flowers down the street than in a suburban, exurban, or rural area.
In addition to nurturing your social life, cities nourish a healthy brain because of their startling dynamism. Walk a couple of blocks and you can take in different fashion and architecture, check out the latest retail innovations, and be continually surprised and stimulated. There’s always something going on, and you can usually get there without driving, via a bus, taxi, subway, or Uber. Or your own two feet.
This isn’t to say, of course, that cities are perfect for an aging population, or that there isn’t work to be done. As the Guardian put it: “For an ageing society to function there needs to be a movement back to the cities – but cities need to be adapted and designed with this in mind.” And not all of us have the means nor circumstances to pack up and move, even if we wanted to (despite the fact that we like to think of ourselves as a mobile nation, more than half of Americans live within an hour of extended family, and 72% of us live in the towns we grew up in).
So for those of you who want to benefit from the stimulation of city living, no matter where you live at the moment, here are five ways you can live urban, anywhere:
Seek out more casual interactions
I talked about how important those brief social snippets at the bakery and florist can be in real life. But if you focus on it, you can create them no matter where you live.
We are so obsessed by convenience that we forget what we give up in its pursuit. Reclaim those meaningful moments with the grocery clerk, the receptionist, or the gas station attendant and you’ll be glad you did. The Dutch are two steps ahead with their creation of slower, chat-friendly checkout lanes and in-store Coffee Corners in grocery stores to combat older adult loneliness.
And you can even do this from your living room. Next time you need to place an order for something, don’t do it on your app. Do it live. Call the restaurant or the drugstore and strike up a conversation with the person on the other end of the phone. I guarantee they’ll be hungering for some human interaction as well.
Spend more time in the nearest big city to you
You don’t have to journey to New York or Chicago or Miami to recharge your batteries with urban energy. Midsized and even smaller cities have transformed themselves; Metropolis declares that they are the “front line for urban innovation.”
And the good news is that these downtowns—alive with culture and great restaurants—are often Uber-able. Uber is available in all 50 states and most cities (here’s a list). So if you can’t or don’t want to drive, book an Uber and spend a day a week downtown. Even better, defray the cost by carpooling with friends or members of your reading group.
Create cross-cut experiences
You can come close to the brain-stimulating novelty and diversity of urban strolling at home, by self-creating experiences that range across different genres.
Those are just a few selections to inspire you to create your own healthy chaos, combining the familiar and the unfamiliar.
Capture vicarious urban energy
Immersion can be achieved by taking advantage of the way great artists have captured the pulse and tang of cities. I guarantee you can find something in this thoughtfully expansive list of “101 Movies About Cities.”
And while you’re at it, prepare some Telugu recipes and go full shock-and-awe with your friends.
So there you have it, my crash course in urbanizing your life, no matter where you live. Let me know if it helps to crowd out the isolation that many of you may be feeling.
Adam Hanft is a well-known futurist (co-author of “Dictionary of the Future”), branding authority, political consultant, and cultural commentator. He is also a strategic advisor to NeverStop.
https://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/city-street-life.jpg7841472kathhttps://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/neverstop-logo-fff1.pngkath2023-01-30 22:57:462023-01-30 23:04:13Cities Are Good for Healthy Aging. Here’s How to Take Advantage, No Matter Where You Live
Deborah Saint-Phard, MD (skylining above right with her daughter Schuyler) dreamed of becoming an Olympic athlete when she was a kid watching the Olympics on TV. In college, during her junior year, she broke through to the national stage in the shot put. Her last throw senior year, a personal record, qualified her for the World Championships. After one semester of medical school, she took a year off to train for the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, Korea to compete for Haiti, the country of her birth and citizenship at that time.
Now 58, Deborah recently took time off from her busy schedule as a sports doctor and single mom to talk about why she remains so committed to being physically active despite many setbacks and the realities of an aging body. Her spirit is infectious. Here at NeverStop, we hope it inspires you, as well, to get off the couch and keep moving!
As a former Olympic athlete who’s now 58, what is it like to be in an aging body given its glorious past?
Deborah putting the shot for Princeton track and field in 1987, the year she qualified for the World Championships.
The level of intensity, concentration, focus, and dedication it took to practice 4-5 hours a day, six days a week is pretty neat now as I look back. I still have that same passion, but I’ve had to adjust. My knees have arthritis now, so I can’t do the Olympic weightlifting that was a standard part of my training then. Today, I do more yoga, less powerlifting, and lots of pickleball.
My body today is great. My body composition has shifted from all the muscle of my training years to more fat for sure, and I’m trying to increase my strength training to get leaner. It’s hard for me to train after work, so I like to get it done in the morning. I’m grateful for being born with an athletic body. Asthma and thalassemia make it harder for me to do long-distance cross-country skiing, cycling, and hiking, but I do these things anyway…just more slowly than my fast friends.
You sure do keep moving! In the last six months alone, your Facebook feed shows you doing barefoot boot camp, riding your stationary bike, snowshoeing, joining your kid at the gym (inspired by her to get out of bed), falling in mud off your bike, hiking with your dog out in the snow, playing pickleball, commuting to work on a bike in 35 degrees, kayaking, sailing, yin yoga-ing, paddle boarding, zip lining in Leadville, and swimming. It’s really inspiring. What drives you to stay engaged in so many different activities and to keep trying new things?
Well, when you lay it all out like that, it does sound incredible: incredibly fun. I think as I age, the importance of mixing it up, being with people, and doing anything active outside in the sun, snow, rain, or mud is exciting. I’m not a runner or a rock climber, but there are plenty of things I can still do with other people. It’s fun just to be out doing stuff for no other reason than for social engagement, being outdoors, or just to keep moving…no matter what. Sometimes, I walk and walk and keep walking to clear my head and instill peace into my soul. Walking reminds me to breathe. Does anyone else ever forget to just stop, rest, and breathe?
On the pickleball court with insta-friends.
It’s clear that you love Pickleball. “Pickleball is Life!” you wrote in one post. Your friends even arranged for your birthday cake to be decorated with a pickleball paddle. Why do you love pickleball so much? Why is this sport so popular with older adults?
Pickleball is just so much fun! It is way more accessible than tennis. It does not require a ton of running. It is very strategic: placement over power. Once you start playing and thinking about the game, you can improve quickly. You meet three new people every time you play a game. It’s friendly-competitive. It’s not serious. Everyone is supportive of each other and it’s just like we are all young again looking to play….just play….for no other reason than to have fun.
Pickleball is great exercise at any age. I see a lot of my patients who have had knee and hip replacements playing pickleball. It’s something that as we get older is very accessible. I can play even with my arthritic knees and back. Sitting on the couch is not the solution to aging. Nope. Pickleball can be played on public courts and you don’t have to pay any club fees like you do with squash or racquetball. Just show up with a paddle and hope there are three other people looking to play too. New insta-friends!
What is your advice for an older adult who finds it hard to get off the couch, even for pickleball? Or one who has at least one source of chronic pain that makes it hard to be active?
Aqua aerobics or walking in the water at the recreation center is the easiest way to start moving painful joints. Start in the water. Some of the rec centers have heated pools if that agrees with your medical condition. Sometimes people do better in colder water. Just get in. For me, getting into the water is the hardest part, but I’m glad I did. Water really helped me last year after I broke my leg.
Uh oh. What happened?
After two successful double black diamond mogul ski runs, I was show-boating on a third attempt. I was ejected into the air, out of my ski bindings, crashed—and then got up and skied down the mountain. I thought I was okay….NOT. Several days later an MRI and a CT scan confirmed that I had broken my leg. I required surgery plus a plate and screws. I couldn’t put weight on my leg for 10 weeks on crutches. When I was finally cleared to start walking, I began moving in the pool. In the water, I re-learned how to coordinate my core, hip, and butt muscles. It took four months in the pool first, then Physical therapy training and rehabilitation to get back to pickleball, but I did it!!!!
Chronic medical conditions require patience and perseverance. Find the water: the water will help you remember how to move again. Walking on land will come in time. Tai Chi and yoga (yin yoga first) are gifts as well. Water is a miracle for rehabbing joints and muscles. We don’t take advantage of it as much as we should.
What role does social media play in your quests to recover from injury or kickstart a new fitness regime? Does posting about a new fitness goal help you to achieve it?
It’s funny…as I have aged, I hope my wisdom has increased along with my humility and sense of vulnerability. The invincibility I felt when I was younger has faded for sure. Posting on Facebook helps me to take myself far less seriously than I used to. I’m just walking around and sharing my thoughts about big stuff (social justice) and little stuff (what I did for a workout). Shouting out that yes, even this former Olympic athlete still has to play head games to get herself to do the workout of the day. It motivates me when I inspire others, so I shout out and share the struggle to get off the couch. There’s the shame factor too. If I posted that I had arrived at the pool to do my leg fracture recovery, I for sure got into the water (the hardest part) and got my workout done.
You like to inspire others and you seek inspiration, too. What role has inspiration played in your life?
Hosing off after a little fall in the mud during a 30-mile gravel bike ride through the mud with her partner.
I love this question! People seem inspired by my accomplishments. When I was growing up my dad told all three of us kids, “You have been blessed with many gifts from God; it is your responsibility to develop these talents.” I am drawn to sports, movement, and dancing. Watching people execute their sport with grace, focus, and intention is the most inspiring thing to me….ever. I find it mesmerizing to watch. The display, beauty, and execution take me away to a place of imagination, whether I’m watching dancers, wide receivers, runners, swimmers, figure skaters, throwers, jumpers, sprinters, hurdlers, or tennis players. Sports for me is an aspirational ideal that combines athleticism, beauty, and excellence. I try to be one with it; it’s inside of me.
You are the founder of the Women’s Sports Medicine Center at University of Colorado Health. What are the most common injuries you see in athletes over 50? Is there any advice you’d like to give those of us who are out there biking, hiking, or skiing as we age?
Athletes over 50 suffer common conditions of low back pain, knee pain, and ankle sprains. If you’re looking for the fountain of youth, it’s strength training 2-3 times a week. This is what will allow you to function and play with greater ease, speed, and agility. Strong muscles around your shoulder joint and knee joints, and strong core muscles will make biking, skiing, hiking, and/or pickle-balling simply easier—and safer—to do.
What does Successful Aging mean to you?
I know I am successfully aging…
If my numbers (glucose, cholesterol, blood pressure, triglycerides, and hemoglobin—for my thalassemia) are where my doctor wants them to be for me.
If I’m getting any kind of exercise for at least 30 minutes, six days a week.
If I’m strength training 2-3 times a week.
If I’m actively engaged in eating more nutritiously (I have just discovered the amazingness of avocados! OMG my new favorite food: it is all goodness…I’m gonna live forever now)
If I’m meeting new people and being social (tough because I’m introverted). Pickleball is the latest antidote to my introversion.
If I’m connected to my two kiddos as they take off for their own passions and pursuit of their joys.
If I’m connected to my partner and we keep chasing our bucket lists around the world and nearby mountains on bikes, snow shoes, and skis together.
What advice do you have for older adults who want to get back in shape after injury or inactivity?
The beauty of the body is that deconditioning (being out of shape) is reversible. The body heals given space, time, and rehabilitation with good physical therapy and doctors. Nothing about yesterday makes a difference. It’s all about today. No matter where you are starting from, focus on today. Don’t lament how you got where you are or how great you were before. Just start the first five minutes today. Bit by bit. Don’t be heroic, just start, believe in yourself, and be patient. Show yourself grace.. Just start. A one-mile swim is doable for almost anyone. I’m no amazing swimmer, but I know how to start. Slow and steady. Nothing spectacular. Just keep moving….
How do you overcome your own resistance to making the healthier choice?
I’m human. It is often tough to make the healthier choice. I try to go for moderation instead of perfection, and I’ve learned to be more forgiving of myself as I age. The only way I’ll be the weight I want to be is to strength train 2-3 times a week to increase lean muscle mass, improve body composition, and increase metabolism. So…this week is not over yet!
You are out shopping for a publisher for your book, a “sports memoir written by an Olympic athlete, single mom, physician, Haitian immigrant, social justice warrior, and lesbian.” What inspired you to write it?
Someone once told me that I have a unique ability to speak about pain. I think that my journey as a Haitian immigrant who came to the United States as a baby, blessed with a certain set of gifts, opportunities, and challenges and a will to survive and thrive through chaos may be inspiring once you really get to know me. I also hope to demystify what it takes to become an Olympic athlete and what I learned. The sports psyche, the physical training, and the spiritual gifts that help you to gain perspective are all topics that may appeal to folks.
What’s your favorite healthy meal or snack?
Avocados! On toast.
On a busy day, is there a minimum amount of movement that you do just to sustain your fitness?
There is usually one day a week when I can’t do anything. So I give myself grace around that. I have a dog, so I always walk him for at least 20 minutes. And yes, that counts.
What’s your favorite way to start a day?
One hour spinning on my indoor bike (it’s a road bike on a $30 trainer) and watching Morning Joe means I start my day with 500 calories in the bank!
What’s your favorite way to end a day?
The family that lifts together, stays together…Deborah and her daughter Schuy at the gym.
Sitting quietly and reflecting. Hearing from my young adult girls about their day and “sharing three good things” with each other. Catching up with my partner about their day, hopes, and aspirations. Setting my alarm, starting the brown noise sleep playlist, and conking out for 7-8 hours of restorative sleep (tip: alcohol ruins sleep).
Speaking of alcohol, have you tried Dry January?
Yes! I came across a Washington Post article about the benefits of dry January: better skin, better sleep, better weight management, better mood. So I tried it this year, and I love it! I have developed better habits, like going to the grocery store on my walk to buy fresh fruit, vegetables, and flowers, and spending the evening cooking instead of grabbing a slice of pizza and a glass of wine.
So as I continue to age (I hope!), I’ll be more intentional about alcohol consumption. Dry January is a good thing. I love a full night’s sleep, uninterrupted by the well-known negative effects of alcohol.
If you could write one sentence on a billboard for aging adults, what would it be?
Feel stuck and out of shape? Walk with me for just 5 minutes to start. It counts. You matter.
As my 87-year-old mom struggled to climb the stairs to my second-floor guest room on a recent weekend visit, I felt compelled to ask, “Wouldn’t you feel more comfortable staying in my room downstairs?”
“No, I’m not going to kick you out of your bedroom,” Mom responded tersely. I watched in agony as she finally managed to reach the top.
Not long after that, Mom and my sister Debbie went to the beach for a picnic lunch on a beautiful summer day. When it was time to pack up and go, my mom, who had been sitting on the picnic blanket for at least an hour, said, “I don’t think I can get up.” Debbie watched as my mom tried to push herself up with her arms, but although she could manage to get onto her knees, she couldn’t get the leverage she needed to stand up. My sister tried to hold her hands and pull her up, but Mom was too heavy. Finally, a woman nearby came over, got down on her hands and knees, and told my mom, “Use me like a table.” Holding onto the woman’s back, Mom slowly hoisted herself up.
Clearly, Mom had lost a lot of strength in her legs since she moved from a multi-level condo with stairs to a one-level condo a few years ago. I became plagued with inner worry. What if she had been in a similar situation alone at her home? What if she tried to use a chair and it fell over on top of her? I began to look at the furniture and everything in her home in a different light.
When my sister and I tried to talk about her safety at home as directly and gently as we could, Mom was prickly. She was fine and didn’t need any help, thank you very much. She proudly showed us handy tools that helped her out: a long-handled shoe horn so she didn’t have to bend over to put on her shoes, and a “grabber” to reach clothes on high shelves.
I told her that stuff was great, but that Debbie and I had noticed that some of the housework wasn’t being done and that the kitchen was in need of a deep clean. Those piles of giveaway clothes in her bedroom never got donated. The sliding door to her laundry closet didn’t work, and her garbage disposal was broken.
“Mom, what would you think if Debbie and I came up for a day every week or so and tackled a particular project? I could clean the outside windows and store your patio furniture for the winter. Deb could clean out the refrigerator and organize the kitchen.” After mulling it over, my mom reluctantly told us sure, that might be helpful.
Looking back, getting Mom’s permission upfront was key to unlocking our ability to help her without feeling that we were intruding on her space. Over time we cleaned things, got rid of potentially stumbling-and-tripping-over clutter, and found her a handyman to fix the things that were broken. Once she realized we weren’t trying to take over her life, Mom changed her tune and was grateful for our help.
Unexpected fringe benefits gradually emerged as we spent more time together. Mom started telling us her memories. During World War II, her family collected scrap metal for the war effort. When her mother (our grandmother) was young in the early 1900s, she would take the train from Boston to Cape Cod with her family (along with their crates of chickens so they could have eggs when they got there!) and spend each summer at their cottage, the same one we eventually went to every summer ourselves. She told us fascinating details about trips with my dad. In Peru, they climbed to Machu Picchu. In Costa Rica, a local family in a small village made her the best coffee of her life. In Egypt, she and my dad cruised down the Nile River and saw crocodiles (her very favorite).
Thanks to the stronger bonds between the three of us, we now talk as a team about my mom’s future in a way that doesn’t threaten her independence. She makes her opinions known, and we listen. In response to our desire to have a plan should her health take a turn for the worse, she said, “Well, whatever happens, I do not want to go to a nursing home. That is why I have long-term care insurance that includes in-home care.”
“That’s wonderful Mom,” I said, “This is the kind of information we need to know and understand so you can get the help you need to stay in your own home for as long as possible.”
I have made other adjustments as well. When it came time for me to move, I prioritized finding a one-story home (like my sister had) to make it easier for mom to visit. The three of us are starting to discuss mom living permanently in one of our homes, if or when she’s ready for that next step.
Now that we have a basic future plan, when I call to check in, Mom and I are free to chat about topics beyond her health and safety. We compare notes on the latest episode of Jeopardy, plan a visit to the botanical gardens, or schedule a day trip to visit my daughter at college. I touch lightly upon my next fix-it or clean-up visit. Although I wish she would take an exercise class to strengthen her muscles, I’m resigned to the fact that it’s just not her jam. She’s living her life on her own terms and she feels good about it. And so do I.
*******
Amy Treadwell is a freelance writer and book editor living in New Hampshire. When she’s not working, she can be found taking walks on the local rail trail near her home or in the kitchen, indulging in her obsessive love of baking.
https://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Treadwell_Amy-Debbie-Mom.jpeg6541500kathhttps://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/neverstop-logo-fff1.pngkath2022-11-21 18:18:562023-01-11 16:03:59Thanks, But No Thanks: Caregiving for a Parent Who Resists Your Help
Whether you have 3 friends or 300, nurturing your social network is an integral part of Successful Aging. Strong social connections reduce stress, ward off chronic disease, anxiety, and depression, preserve cognitive abilities, and so much more. We hope you enjoy learning about how Rita Ann worked to stay connected as she got older—a breadcrumb trail that anyone can follow, even without her social gifts! ********
In her early ‘70s, my mom, Rita Ann, who recently passed at age 94, had an ankle replacement. The doctor who pioneered the surgery traveled from Sweden to perform the operation himself. “Can you also make me tall and blonde?” Mom quipped before the surgery. The doctor was charmed, but my mom’s walking continued to decline and the surgery was ultimately pronounced a failure.
I never questioned this until recently. Last May, Rita Ann, who was then 93, fell and shattered her “good leg.” After six weeks at a top rehab facility in L.A. she was sent home because she was too frightened of falling to cooperate with the physical therapists or even get out of bed. It was then I realized that all those years ago her ankle replacement was most likely a failure because she didn’t really work at regaining mobility. Knowing my mother, I am sure her physical therapy sessions were focused on discussing the personal issues of the physical therapist and my mother offering advice and support. Exercising and pushing themselves physically is not something that most women of that generation did. We boomers are much more fit than our mothers. At age 68, I go to the gym 5 to 6 times a week, take multiple classes, swim, and walk at least six miles a day. By contrast, at my age my mom’s exercise regimen was mostly limited to her 5:00 pm stroll to the fridge to get the wine.
If my mom had been more inclined to exercise and regain mobility, it certainly would have enhanced her later years. But in many ways her life was very rich and there is much to learn from her about successful aging. Her curiosity about other people and her genuine investment in them kept her engaged in life and surrounded by love.
The author with her mother, Rita Ann, and brother Jeremy.
Many people in their ‘80s and ‘90s are lonely because their friends are gone. But my mom continued to make friends throughout her life and had friends of all ages and walks of life. She approached everyone she met as if that person were a book recommended by the New York Times. Regardless of time, space, or setting Mom opened the hearts of all who crossed her path, appreciatively read a page or two, and left those hearts more loving of themselves for her appreciation.
The Harvard Grant Study of Adult Development, which has been ongoing for 8o years, has shown the value of relationships as a form of self-care. “The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” said Robert Waldinger, director of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital, and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.
Beautiful and charismatic, my mother drew people to her. But her secret was not so much that she was dazzling but that she has always done the hard work of building relationships. This is something that any of us can do. When we display a genuine interest in others, it comes back to us.
Mom was always more interested in hearing about the happiness and woes in the lives of those around her than dwelling on her own difficulties. Even notorious curmudgeons fell under her spell. I have always benefited from this. When I was growing up, the grumpiest shopkeepers welcomed us because we were Mrs. Gold’s kids. Irritable, child-hating Doctor Seltzer told mom she had a beautiful figure and told everyone else, “Don’t touch that Sis unless you’re going to buy it.”
Mom doubled her charm offensive when she felt someone was sad or bitter. Monosyllabic Mr. Peterson had the only bakery for miles in Manchester, ME, and he drew customers who would wordlessly make their purchases and then escape. When my mom first exploded onto the scene, her ebullient greeting was met with something between a murmur and a growl. She continued to greet him warmly until eventually he chatted with her, sharing his concerns about being a single father raising daughters. Mom brought out the best in everyone by concentrating on them. She made people feel good about themselves, and that made her feel good, too.
My mother’s later years were brightened by her optimism and hope. Her certainty that life still held more for her motivated her to relocate to California at age 93. That hope also allowed her to continue after the loss of a son and two beloved husbands. As a widow in her early ‘60s, she fell in love again and remarried. When she could no longer walk, she could still dance.
Being by my mom’s bedside at the end of her life, I spent a lot of time watching her sleep. I think the reason her face was still beautiful at 94 was that there was no bitterness reflected there. She had the glow of someone who had always chosen to see the best in life and in other people. Even at the end, in constant pain, unable to get out of bed, and with her memory in shreds, letting go of life was unfathomable to her.
Rita Ann was always good about staying in touch with her wide network. When she no longer felt up to making phone calls, her phone continued to ring all the time. Nieces and nephews would call her and numerous others who thought of themselves as a niece or nephew. Several flew across the country to visit her. While almost all mom’s friends were gone, their children became mom’s friends and they called her. So many wrote beautiful messages that they asked me to read to her, extolling her “joie de vivre” and “unstoppable life force.” I read her such tributes as “You have always been a bright light in my life.” I hoped that hearing how she had impacted so many over her lifetime would bring her comfort.
Listening to these messages of love and appreciation, my mom turned to me, my brother, and sister and emphatically drew out her last word.. “Fantaaaaaastic!”
*******
Benita Gold is a publicist, writer, storyteller, and late bloomer. She has performed personal stories in comedy clubs and festivals. She became a mom at 51 and married for the first time at 53.
https://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/572c2f_3640289aed18445dae471af2ed66876e_mv2.webp311740kathhttps://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/neverstop-logo-fff1.pngkath2022-09-26 15:24:002023-01-27 22:32:06The Charm Offensive, or How to Socialize into Your ’90s and Beyond
Sure it’s fun to blow out 70 birthday candles, but it’s even more fun to climb rocks. Especially red rocks. Giant ones. Just ask Jim Klein, who recently celebrated his epic birthday by “getting out of my comfort zone” and climbing up to the top of Cathedral Rock in Sedona, AZ. Jim was kind enough to sit down and tell us why he did it, and why this big red rock resonates for him on the threshold of a new decade.
Jim, thanks for sitting down to share your story with NeverStop. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Sure. I just turned 70 and live with my wife Beverly in Ohio. We have a son, Alex (32) who works for Ohio Health and a daughter, Madison (27) who is a Dr. of Veterinary Medicine. As for me, after receiving a BA from Rutgers and MBA from Columbia, I pursued a career with leadership positions in major global brands including Avon, Swatch, Universal Studios, Twentieth Century Fox, National Geographic and the Smithsonian. In my leisure time, I love the great outdoors to explore, hike and kayak.
And you just turned 70.
Yup.
And just posted to Facebook about your epic Cathedral Rock climb, reaching the “‘End of Trail’ marker just to prove that it is so not the ‘End of MY Trail.’” Did you hike alone?
No, you should never hike alone. I hiked with my wingman son, Alex, who is an expert hiker and trail guide, and my daughter Madison.
How did you come up with this idea, to celebrate 70 with a big climb?
We fell in love with Sedona back in 2019 and I told my family I wanted to climb the iconic Cathedral Rock for my big 70th birthday in 2022, giving me some time to prepare because it is a “bad boy” hike involving climbing, crawling, sliding, and technical skills that I didn’t have, but planned to learn on the job [smiles].
Some people have a fighting disposition towards aging. Is that you?
The best way to deal with aging is to not deny it, but to defy it by pushing your limits, leaving your comfort zones behind, and celebrating what is still possible. I have always been a positivist, even about birthdays. I actually have better strength and aerobic capabilities than I had 20 years ago, thanks to pushing my limits and by power walking an average of 10K a day for over five years.
How did 70 feel at the top of Cathedral Rock?
The climb pushed my physical limits! I crab-crawled up one big boulder on my hands and knees after falling back five times, ungracefully slid down big boulders on my butt, and climbed up through a 90ft tall crevice to reach the summit. At the top I found myself somewhat bruised and battered but thrilled by the accomplishment and the belief that the best years still lie ahead.
What are you looking forward to in the next decade?
I have officially retired from my professional career, but continue to enjoy providing pro bono guidance to some of my former companies. Beverly and I are not snowbirds but we do love mountains, so rather than buying a condo on the ocean, we plan to travel out West to the National Parks starting with the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone. We also look forward to some Napa/Sonoma Valley trips for some fun. In my consulting practice, I work with a lot of young people and inspire them to “Go West” to see the majesty of the National Parks, which have almost become spiritual for me and my family.
Most people have at least one health concern or scare before age 70. Have you had any and if so, how did you deal with them?
I just passed my annual physical with flying colors, but four years ago, I had a health scare when I was diagnosed with severe heart disease from a calcium score reading. They discovered it was a false alarm when they put me on a treadmill stress test that revealed I was in the top 5% of aerobic capacity for my age. Nonetheless, it changed my life. I changed my diet and started a fairly extreme exercise routine. A good scare is a good motivator.
What gets better at this stage of life?
My relationship with my wife and kids has never been better and we still love going on family adventures together. If you are physically fit and mentally still kicking, your outlook on life gets better with age.
What advice would you give others about healthy aging or aging well?
Stay physically fit and mentally healthy. And create your own adventures, because there is no better feeling than pushing your limits, leaving your comfort zone and experiencing the thrill of accomplishment. Never stop educating yourself and never stop exploring the amazing world out there.
https://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/572c2f_d11c4632f9794ab383057200eaa2d0c9_mv2.webp284740kathhttps://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/neverstop-logo-fff1.pngkath2022-09-21 15:22:002022-12-13 14:11:27Giving 70 a Rocky Test Drive: Jim Klein
Here’s some good adviceabout avoiding caregiver burnout from one of our Allies, the professional aging experts who help our members age successfully. Angelina has wrestled with caregiver overload in her own life.
As a caregiver, I often ask myself, “Am I doing enough?” For example, one night I was washing dishes after cooking dinner at my mom’s house when she asked, “Angelina, could we spend time together out of the house sometime too?” I nodded, but inside I felt apprehensive, overwhelmed by my other responsibilities. As a full-time working parent, I didn’t want to give her what little “me time” I had left over, but I felt guilty that she had unmet needs. She was lonely, and maybe needed more stimulation.
After some reflection, I was honest with her. I shared how stretched I felt and, to my relief, she understood. Together we came up with a “good enough” plan. We earmarked Saturdays as our day to go shopping, eat out, and socialize. My seven-year-old son would come along too. Out of the house, I would be freed from thinking about chores and be more able to focus on spending quality time with both of them. They would enjoy family time with each other, and I could get some errands done. Lunch out would be a special treat for all of us.
Happily, this multitasking solution met my mom’s needs, my son’s needs, and my own, but it’s not always so easy. Each caregiving situation is unique, and creating balance is not a simple recipe. In that spirit, I find the following general guidelines helpful when I feel out of balance as a caregiver, and I hope they help you too.
Guidelines for Caregivers: Five Tips
Avoid burnout. Juggling is inevitable, but caregiver burnout—a chronic state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion as a result of caring for another—is not. Be aware of how you are faring in addition to those you care for. Seek help if you see signs of burnout.
Practice Open Communication. Communication is key to any relationship, including caregiving. When tensions or conflicts arise, work together to brainstorm solutions that respect everyone’s needs, including yours!
Widen Your Social Circle. Loneliness is a major issue for adults over 60, 43% of whom report feeling lonely. Caregivers often feel that they’re the only social lifeline for those they care for. Your aging parents may prefer to rely on you because it’s comfortable. Investing in new relationships takes effort, but when you help them to expand their social circle it can benefit both of you in the long run.
Keep Emotions in Check. It can be very difficult for people to express their needs and feelings directly, and proxy battles (i.e. a heated argument about buying the wrong kind of creamer that is not really about the creamer) are common. When emotions run high (yours or theirs or both), wait for a calm moment to try and analyze what the real issues are. Write them down on paper, if that helps. Reflection and dialogue can help reveal solutions hiding in plain sight and bring down the stress level.
Reach Out for Help. If you need help as a caregiver, it’s never a negative reflection on you! On the contrary, recognizing that you need help is a strength.
****** About the Author: Angelina Portuense, LSW, is a NeverStop Wellness Ally and a case manager who has been working in the elder care field for over six years. Her passion for working with older adults started in her teenage years when she became a family caregiver.
https://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/f97615_cae4bb540d774f8fad65e823779f53f1_mv2.webp312740kathhttps://www.neverstop.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/neverstop-logo-fff1.pngkath2021-09-18 15:11:002022-12-13 14:16:19“Am I doing enough?”
